This is Roni. I realized when so many responded with concern about how overwhelmed I felt, that I neglected to follow up the last blog entry with an update stating that I'm much better.
More importantly, Kevin keeps getting stronger -- he walked 30 blocks on Friday, went to services then out for lunch with friends on Sat. and walked another 20 blocks on Sunday!
I wrote the last blog entry during a "low" point emotionally; I have since recovered my perspective. Life is just hard sometimes. All of us encounter daunting circumstances to which we must rise. Of course, "rising to the challenge" is much easier when others are there helping to lift you.
After day two of oncologist's-report-induced angst, I woke early Thursday morning with my mind whirling, so I tried to see if i might find some answers to our unanswered questions via Web research. I found some information that scared and depressed me even more, even though realized it might not apply to Kevin and i might very well be worrying needlessly.
I decided to call a couple in our congregation who have a lot of knowledge of doctors and the medical system. She's a nurse, and sadly, they've also had a lot of first-hand experiences with doctors through their own health challenges. I knew they would be able to advise us. But as they are currently dealing with their own medical issues I didn't want to disturb them on Thanksgiving, and planned to wait until Friday to call. I knew praying would help, but a cry of "G-d, isn't there anyone who can help us understand this?" was about all I could muster.
Within minutes of this cry/prayer, the phone rang. It was the husband of the couple that I did not want to disturb, calling us on Thanksgiving morning! This wonderful man took time to listen and give us compassionate counsel, insight into what had transpired with the doctor and good advice about how to proceed. By the time we got off the phone, peace was beginning to overtake angst.
Kevin, too, was a source of strength and comfort. I'm so glad we have granted one another permission to share our fears and "lows" with each other. When one of us has been low, the other has been strong and positive and able to encourage and reassure.
And then, it being Thanksgiving, we began to count our blessings. I have to admit, i feel a bit chagrined about making such a fuss about an interaction with a doctor when we have so much for which to be thankful. So many people have bad days. Some people's lives are just one bad day after another. Some people's days are intolerable. I was worried about laundry piling up, and some people don't have enough clothes to make a pile. We are blessed to have more good days than bad, and bad days that don't stay bad for long, because G-d always meets us where we are — often through you or as a result of your prayers.
So, yes, the process has been frustrating. Yet, we remember that so many don't have access to even the most basic medical care. We are blessed to HAVE access to excellent doctors, PLUS the health insurance that allows us the option of seeking additional opinions if necessary. Of course, the list of blessings goes on and on, chief among them the fact that Kevin IS alive! — having survived the surgery and the perforation when the doctors weren't certain he would.
Also, we've received some practical help just when we needed it. Besides the Thursday morning phone call, my sister-in-law spent the day with me on Friday — helping figure out menus that would meet Kevin's new nutritional needs and just being good company. And speaking of good company, Wed. and Sat. were spent in the company of caring friends as well.
Tonight Kevin read an entry about the importance of attitude from a devotional book written by a cancer survivor. No matter whether the reason for a bad day is "big" or "small" I'm learning jut how much of a difference attitude, prayer and relationships REALLY do make. Hopefully, I'll remember that going forward.
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