Roni's Musings and Reporting

Kevin's last posting (let me just say, what a man!) reminded me of a poem I discovered early on in our Journey:

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited . . .
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.

~ Anonymous

I posted that same poem to this blog in November 2003. At the time, it was an inspiring ideal. Now I understand that cancer tries to do many of these things, and will, if you give over to it.

Though Kevin's been a bit rawer and more transparent than I, we tend to post here when we've come out on the other side of challenges. But I'd hate to give the impression that we haven't struggled with the "demon" that is cancer and the "personal demons" that rise to the surface when one faces difficulties. But through it all, I've seen Kevin -- and felt myself -- upheld by the foundation of our faith and the loving hands of G-d. Sometimes it has felt as though we were in free fall, but never as though we'd fallen into an abyss. Through grasping (sometimes after grappling with) the truths that G-d has lovingly revealed through scripture, we've always come back to that foundation with fairly soft landings. I am so grateful for the truths that have guided us, and the Hand that has held us. I'm so grateful for support from so many people G-d has used to help us in so many ways. A long-time family friend put it beautifully when he said, " With [Kevin and Roni] we can be only thankful for all of the helping hands--social and medical. With them we rest in Him Who only has unfailing, heavenly hands.”

So, that's the musings part of my posting. Now on to the reporting part.

I realized from some comments we've received that many people equate hospice with very final "deathbed" stage of deterioration. Let me assure you that Kevin is not an invalid. Hospice can be involved early on, as soon as one chooses to discontinue treatment, and that's what we've chosen, in order to enhance Kevin's quality of life. For example, a good hospice will advise on the appropriate amount of activity and exercise to keep the patient strong and limber without taxing their reserve. They may teach therapeutic massage to deal with aches and pains from a more sedentary life. etc. The point is that Kevin is still mobile, still has his wits about him -- though he needs a bit more help with remembering words and editing when he writes than before. He's lost some weight and he sleeps more -- about 40% of a 24 hr. period -- and rests a lot while awake. But he also has moments when he's feeling pretty well and continues to help out with light household chores, runs short errands, takes Elke out, and cracks me up with his quirky wit on a regular basis.