Report and musings from Roni

Kevin's energy level has been going down since release from the hospital. Realizing that this was the same thing that happened in the hospital when Kevin's blood counts dropped (due to chemo), we went to see our oncologist (Dr. Ratner) today.

A blood test did show anemia, so they gave him a couple of shots of a Procrit type drug and prescribed doubling Kevin's 2-3 bottles of Ensure per day. He's had no appetite, but they said not to worry about what he does, or doesn't, eat so long as he has the protein drinks, juice and Gatorade.

The nurse sent us home with as much ProSure, Vitacal and Resurgex as I could carry, and they've put aside a case of more protein drinks for us to pick up on Thurs., when Kev goes back to have his sutures removed. (I think they are thrilled to unload the stuff, and I'm trilled to take it!)

I just started a raw foods fast until Passover, so it looks like a cooking-free month! Woo hoo! Glad we went to the doctor's before I finished my grocery list. ;-)

Thanks for continued prayer. Please pray that the injections and energy/protein drinks will help Kevin get past this fatigue quickly. He's too tired for much of anything. He did walk two blocks yesterday, but that did him in for the rest of the day — too tired to even read the mail right away, keep up with email or talk about Harley trips we can take when he's better — believe me, for Kevin, that's tired!

Dr. Ratner is guessing mid-April for when Kev will be up to resuming chemo. My prayer is that he'll be recovered enough by Passover to really enjoy the two Seder nights (April 4 & 5) before beginning chemo again.

When I spoke with Deena (Dr. Ratner's office manager) yesterday to make the appointment, she asked, "How in the world did you get through things in DC?" Without even having to think, I responded, " By the grace of G-d and the prayers of many people."

Some people have told us that they've been inspired by strength we've shown though this, but in reality, I feel we've been carried so much more than we have fought.

Here's what I find inspiring: We all can find strength we didn't know we had, and when even that gives out, each one of us can be carried — all we need is to pray, ask others to pray for us, and learn to believe. That's how the Creator designed things to be.

"Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten of G-d, and afflicted.

But He was pierced through for our transgressions
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the L-rd has caused the iniquity of us all
To fall on Him. — Isaiah 53: 4-6

The more I embrace the truth of just how very much I need Him — and those who carry me to Him with their prayers — the more I'm set us free from the illusion that I'm in control. I believe in being strong, proactive and enabled (I'm a new Yorker, after all). But being "enabled" is a far cry from being Omnipresent, Omniscient and Omnipotent. Dealing with Kevin's cancer is teaching me to discern the difference. I hope I truly get this lesson and never forget it.